Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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