You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
