walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
