it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
