he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
