I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
