According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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