Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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