Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
