What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
