i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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