mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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