we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
