We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
