oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
