My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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