I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
