I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i think i have herpe
just one?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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