Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
