Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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