she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
