Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
