Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
