Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
