he puts the penis in happiness.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
