I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
