Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
