Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
