I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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