remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize