your room smells of hookers.
And success
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
