Sry I called you an 8
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
