There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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