So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
