I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
