Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
