So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This baby is an asshole
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
