420 ftw
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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