My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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