The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
