the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
