I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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