hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
