My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
