did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
