Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
