He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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