I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
