First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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