if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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