Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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