i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
