We're like a lot better than the average bears
I met the friendliest cop last night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize