Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
