haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
