I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
