My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
