The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
