so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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