He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Enjoy the penises
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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