i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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