You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
