I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
