If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
love makes seman taste better
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
