I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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