no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
