Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
