I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
