Moan for me like Helen Keller
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
