your room smells of hookers.
And success
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
