i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
