I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
