I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
