Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
