imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
