So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
