Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
