cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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