Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
