Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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