were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
