i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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