drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
