Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
