Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
