my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize