Someone shit on the floor
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
