a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
