why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
