Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I love having hate sex.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
