your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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