so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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