Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
