i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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