I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
