I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
