K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
