Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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