Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Send help, water and tortillas.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
